30.4.09

astronauta


dear,

às vezes eu estou em marte. não porque eu goste de viajar para tão longe. nem porque gosto tanto assim de vermelho. mas vez ou outra eu estou em marte. e é um silêncio quase absoluto. é uma passagem inteiramente absorta para tudo o que não é de fora, para tudo o que é de dentro. tão doloroso pensar nessas horas. a tempestade quase sempre é mais violenta no que aparenta ser apenas calmaria. as aparências enganam, dear. e eu, como troca, me engano com o mundo. só não sei devolver a coisa violenta que nasce em mim, pois quando me desconecto, sofro da coisa mais perturbadora: a intensidade. não é timidez a minha boca fechada, o olhar perdido e o ouvido atento. a voracidade está acontecendo e ninguém, além de mim, percebe. a areia movediça dentro de mim me engole. mal respiro. em marte o ar não é respirável, nem a vida é possível. e neste quarto ou naquela sala, a vida seria? ah, dear, só você sabe me arrancar uma lasca de ternura pouco antes da partida. 'sem paixão não há literatura?' - perguntou-me. sem paixão não escrevo uma só linha, eu respondo. em marte eu não sinto amor algum. antes disso, apalpo-me no horror da roupa lunar, e nos bolsos vazios da miséria do eu. nessas horas de às vezes, sou o homem por trás do óculos, a brincadeira de adivinha, o astronauta e o salto para depois da lua. também sou a mais brilhosa opulência do vazio.

23 comentários:

aaluah disse...

sem paixão também não escrevo uma linha só.


bom texto! vamos pra marte?

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